It’s hard to get words onto paper when your mind is all jumbled. I suppose it’s hard to do anything when your mind is all jumbled. My mind currently looks like heaps of cardboard boxes, cuboid but empty inside, stacked at impossible angles as if blown there by a strong gust. The boxes are thoughts but the thoughts, when unpacked, don’t lead anywhere because the boxes are empty. I normally keep it upbeat here on the blog. Stay away from politics, I say to myself, and absolutely no ranting.
The past week has been tumultuous – and I don’t mean at the micro level of me and my life, I mean at a nation-wide level and perhaps even extending beyond. This ugly referendum feels like the elephant in the room, everywhere I go and in every conversation I have. It seems that everyone knows there is no going back from where we find ourselves adrift currently; we can’t un-see what we have seen and even if we were to scrabble our way frantically back from whence we toppled (one hand covering our eyes and muttering think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts) the damage has already been done. The whole thing has exposed an underbelly that I did not expect; a nation utterly divided and lost at sea. A brutal froth of xenophobia and racism bubbles somewhere from the primitive murk. How did we get here?! This is the UK! I thought we were a tolerant nation.
A politician was horrifically murdered on the street a couple of weeks ago. Shot and stabbed by a maniac. What has happened to my country?! I am disgusted.
The campaigning from both sides of the referendum was savage – bludgeoning each other as they did with blunt objects, lies and fear. I hope people will be slow to forget it.
I’m worried. This country has barely clawed its way out of a long recession and now we’re hurtling ourselves – voluntarily – towards another. I am absolutely eye-wateringly, skull-destroyingly sick of being a graduate with a fucking first class degree, a portfolio of work, an armful of internship experience and no job prospects. I am disgusted at how companies call all the shots and the workers have to scrap it out in a free-for-all for one underpaid undervalued position for which they are all horrendously overqualified.
I’m worried about worker’s rights. I’m worried about environmental legislation. The environment is already absolutely last on the agenda in politics, and now it will plummet even further into legislative insignificance. I’m worried about the cost of living. How am I supposed to afford more expensive imports (we import pretty much everything, by the way) on my abysmal salary with frankly insulting pay rises? I’m worried about the value of my money. I don’t want to work hard for money that is worthless both here and abroad. I’m worried about worker’s rights.
I realise that I haven’t fought for what I believe in enough. I’ve also become complacent in my daily routines, thinking of the long term goals but not putting them into action enough. Now it’s time. So I guess I’m grateful for the shunt into action (time to internationalise!) but that’s pretty much the only thing I’m grateful for in this ridiculous circus of embarrassing politics.